Bad Habits by Jenny McCarthy

Author:Jenny McCarthy
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Azizex666
ISBN: 9781401304782
Publisher: Hyperion
Published: 2012-10-02T07:00:00+00:00

Ding-dong. An old lady opened her front door and smiled. JoJo, Amy, and I began singing, “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.”

I then held out my hand. The old lady smiled with delight and shouted, “Christmas carolers! Let me get you some money.”

My sisters and I high-fived each other as the old lady came back with her purse. She dug inside for a good minute and handed me a quarter. “Merry Christmas, girls!” she exclaimed, and then shut the door.

“It’s going to take us forever to make money,” Amy said.

“Well then, let’s start moving,” I said.

Ding-dong.

“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, ‘Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’”

“Oh, girls, thank you for that song. You are such sweet carolers. Merry Christmas!” And she closed the door.

“She totally stiffed us!” said JoJo.

Ding-dong.

“You know Dancer and Prancer … um …”

Amy tried to cover the confusion. “Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and … um …”

SLAM.

“Shit,” I whispered.

We hit about thirty more homes and counted five bucks. Amy and JoJo were losing steam and bitching like brats.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Amy said.

JoJo joined in. “My toes are frozen. It’s like thirty below outside.”

“Don’t be stupid,” I said. “It’s, like, five degrees outside.”

I went to the next house and walked up the stairs. My shivering finger hit the doorbell and a man answered.

“O holy night …”

I was waiting for my sisters to chime in with me, but I heard nothing. I turned around and saw that they had completely ditched me. I turned back around, realizing I was doing a solo performance.

“… the stars are brightly shining …”

SLAM.

“Damn it!” I whispered. I couldn’t believe my sisters ditched me.

My voice is pretty awful by myself, but I was determined to make quick tax-free cash without doing anything illegal anymore. So off I went to the next house.

Ding-dong.

“Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let Earth receive her King …”

“Darling, how old are you?” asked this adorably sweet lady. I was afraid to answer her, because how many twenty-year-olds hustle the neighborhood singing songs for cash by themselves?

I was sure as shit the answer was none.

“Um, I’m twenty,” I said in the softest voice possible.

“It’s thirty below zero outside. Why don’t you get a job indoors?” she asked.

“I need to make some quick cash to buy my parents Christmas presents,” I said with the utmost honesty. “I don’t really have time to job hunt, fill out applications, et cetera.”

“That is so sweet of you, dear. So this isn’t for a boyfriend?”

I laughed. “The only man worth me freezing my butt off for is my dad. I love him.

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